sometimes i think about kissing people other than my boyfriend. that’s probably the worst thing about me. but dammit, i love kissing!
True Stories (1986)
✌️fuck everyone who has ever hurt my feelings✌️
4am scorching hot soak because i couldn’t breathe. i hate being sick, i am just so tired and not able to sleep at all.posting this picture feels like that episode of friends where monica is sick and trying to seduce chandler. but i assure you, that’s not my intention. i haven’t taken a bath since i was an infant, and they’re honestly not what they’re hyped up to be.
today i almost died. as i was stepping into the shower I slipped and fell extremely hard on my back. the only thing i really remember is opening my eyes while water is rushing down on me and my entire body is aching. i cannot tell you how often this has been a nightmare i’ve had. falling in the bathtub or down the stairs and breaking my neck and dying. it happens so fast. anyway, i hope you’re as happy as i am to not have died. i have to at least finish the tv shows i’m in the middle of.
i’d say the coolest thing about me is that i can love just about anything. i don’t have standards for love. i can love anyone regardless of their affection for me. you don’t even have to know my name, i will probably still love you. throw your words at me, run your fingers through your hair, smile at the wrong times. i will love you for that and more. i will love you for that and even less. my love comes easy and quick and with intensity.
i am real life blogging again. i have so many secrets i need to share with complete strangers. it feels so good. and so anonymous. and i don’t know… weird.
also. i’m listening to old playlists i made for boys who i thought deserved them at the time and feeling something along the lines of sad. not because i miss them. but because i miss that brief time in my life where i felt something for someone who’d break my heart or who’d disappoint me. because i felt hopeful and romantic. but mostly because i wasted a lot of songs that held a lot of meaning to me on someone who didn’t end up meaning much to me. i wish i was able to see that then. that these were passing fancies. that love is just a passing fancy.
it’s been two years and i am all in. i’m at that point in my relationship where every worry i have in life revolves around something bad happening to him or us. i’ve never wanted to protect something so much in my life. i have never cared so much for anyone or anything this much. to say i’d be totally crushed and transformed in the event we did not work out is the biggest understatement i’ve ever known of. he is all i see. he is all i want. he is it.
i’ll never meet someone who understands my sentimentality. it’s a shame because i was really hoping i’d feel understood by now. but alas, i’m always finding meaning in this meaningless world of indifference.