i’d say the coolest thing about me is that i can love just about anything. i don’t have standards for love. i can love anyone regardless of their affection for me. you don’t even have to know my name, i will probably still love you. throw your words at me, run your fingers through your hair, smile at the wrong times. i will love you for that and more. i will love you for that and even less. my love comes easy and quick and with intensity.
i am real life blogging again. i have so many secrets i need to share with complete strangers. it feels so good. and so anonymous. and i don’t know… weird.
also. i’m listening to old playlists i made for boys who i thought deserved them at the time and feeling something along the lines of sad. not because i miss them. but because i miss that brief time in my life where i felt something for someone who’d break my heart or who’d disappoint me. because i felt hopeful and romantic. but mostly because i wasted a lot of songs that held a lot of meaning to me on someone who didn’t end up meaning much to me. i wish i was able to see that then. that these were passing fancies. that love is just a passing fancy.
it’s been two years and i am all in. i’m at that point in my relationship where every worry i have in life revolves around something bad happening to him or us. i’ve never wanted to protect something so much in my life. i have never cared so much for anyone or anything this much. to say i’d be totally crushed and transformed in the event we did not work out is the biggest understantment i’ve ever known of. he is all i see. he is all i want. he is it.
final vacation selfie. sunburnt forehead, neck, nose, scalp, shoulders and chest. pure agony. absolute torture.
i’ll never meet someone who understands my sentimentality. it’s a shame because i was really hoping i’d feel understood by now. but alas, i’m always finding meaning in this meaningless world of indifference.
I’m sorry grandpa.
Sorry you’re so sad.
i wish someone would just tell me what i want. and how to get what i want. and who to invest my love in. and why things seem so hard. and where i need to be. and when to just let things go. that’s all.
i hate when netflix takes away all the best movies. just rewatched girl, interrupted for the last time. now i must say goodby to you, gattaca.
are you allowed to get mad at a friend for not being a good friend when you need them most if they don’t know that now is the time you need them most? shouldn’t they just know, you know?